Who likes making mistakes? I have yet to meet a person who enjoys making mistakes.  If there is something you want to not have in your life, it would be mistakes. Don’t you think so?

But mistakes are part of growing up and growing old. In every phase of our lives, mistakes hound us. It is downright silly to try to avoid them, to abhor them or to act negatively against them. The answer in life is to accept mistakes and ascertain how to make the best of it.

So, when I devised my Truth Curriculum, I decided to include “Mastery in Making Mistakes.” The course is not meant to teach kids to excel in “making mistakes” but to give them tips on how to think, respond, and make the best of the present “mistaken” situation. We talk about how to turn a bad situation into good. Be like a good quality ball. Bounce back, up high.You can’t keep a good ball down for long.

Mistakes are part of a person’s moral make-up. Do you know that the term “character” comes from the Greek word meaning “engraved mark or pointed stake”? Character is something that is scratched or scraped. Imperfect experiences or mistakes “scratch or scrape” the person, shaping who he will become.

When "alpha" parents try to protect children from making mistakes all the time, they are not doing them any favors. Values of persistence, passion, and patience are wrought not from perfection but from mistakes. After all, if you got it right the first time, you wouldn’t need to exercise patience and you wouldn’t learn. Accept your misses because it will help build your character. 

What to teach your child

Wean your kids to be a winner, not to be a wimp. Train your children to THINK. Teach them to learn from their mistakes so that they will not make the same mistakes. Tell them to be honest with themselves and acknowledge what went wrong and then ask: What to do? Children are wont to cry, go on tantrums, and beg for immediate assistance if they know how to deal with mistakes and failure.

Depending on the developmental level of the child and the level of security and safety of the task, assist your child but don’t interfere. Let him/her correct it independently; otherwise, you will be his/her rescuer for the rest of his/her life.

Teach your child to visualize things, study the situation and then think of what will likely happen, what may be done should it happen and the consequences of each option. Be encouraging, but not over-solicitous.

Life skills are learned through personal experiences or wise counsel. I learn a lot just by listening to wise elders and obeying. How to know when to heed or not? That takes practice. Good judgment comes from making mistakes in judgment. How many times do a gymnast fall and a runner scrape his legs? Making mistakes is part of the path to perfection. Accept it and don’t make a fuss about it. Sometimes, parents are too hard on themselves when their children commit mistakes and this edginess spills over to their children.

Perennial mistake-makers

It is very important for parents to be full of grace and patience when coping with children who are perennial mistake-makers. Below are some of the most common responses of kids when mistakes are committed. In what category does your child fall?

1. The “I didn’t do it!” child

This is a child who has been constantly blamed, whether guilty or not, for most mistakes in any life situation. Usually, there is constant blame game inside the home. I noticed that even if I just ask innocently to no one in particular “Why is this chair broken?” or “Why is there a spill on the floor?”— the guilt-ridden child would have an auto response of “I didn’t do it!” The opposite is the flight or fight person, who would either confront you aggressively or evade by lying or denial. Any of the above three responses are not really healthy for anyone.

2. The Embarrassed

Some people enjoy laughing at the humiliated mistake-maker because his family used to laugh at him for every minor mistake. On the opposite side of the fence is the blusher, the embarrassed mistake-maker who crumbles down whenever people look at him/her. Paranoia sets in at every mistake and whether there is actual mocking laughter directed at him/her.

3. The Shaker/Wailer

I noticed that when children start shaking all of a sudden, I know that they may have made some mistakes. They await verbal or physical beating from an adult. This is the programmed cryer, who would instantly cry as a defense reaction. I saw a tiny girl cry after dropping some school materials on the floor with a clash. She was already bracing herself for the lashing that typically ensues at home. Ironically, her initial worry of dropping her things caused her to drop her things in the first place. She is a nervous wreck at five years old, closely following the footsteps of her hysterical mom.

4. The “I did it. Punish me!” child

Here is the self-inflicted child confessor who will admit to anything just to keep the peace. This is usually the middle child who is always in the middle of fights at home. Since no one would admit committing mistakes in his family, he decides that he would take the blame just so that everyone will stop pointing fingers. In the adult work place, colleagues of this person may take advantage of these tendencies.

5. The Cover-up Artist

There are children who would sloppily cover up their mistakes, not realizing that the mere act of covering up all the more grabs the adult’s attention. Their masked action sometimes defies simple logic, which they still need to learn to develop.

I am amazed at how much children learn to behave at home, from the examples that their parents provide. So what do you do? Give grace. Accommodate. Pause. Smile. Hug. (Don’t say, “It’s all right.” when the mistake is not all right.) Be truthful in grace but helpful. Show HOW to solve or correct. Then allow the child to take the chances for self-correction... Guide. Laugh with the child (not AT the child). Humor helps. Accepting oneself is important. Try again.