Q. Dear Dawn,

Cecilia Roque

A. By “bottle” I suppose you mean that your son still prefers to drink his milk from a baby bottle, right? That can be really tricky. Our babies can grow up and still wouldn’t sever ties with their milk bottles.

First, let me tell you that I personally see nothing wrong with children who still like to drink their milk at bedtime. As a matter of fact, I think it’s a very good habit for growing kids to continue because milk has a hefty amount of macro and micro nutrients that will be helpful in supporting your child’s growing dietary needs. This of course depends on the kind of milk that you give him: formula or fresh cow’s milk. I think, what makes milk bad for the teeth is not really the milk itself but the habit of not brushing them before going to bed. Sugars from the milk cling to the teeth, causing unwanted decay.

The story of the bottle

We started weaning Jacobo from the bottle when he was around two years old because I was preparing him for pre-school. I wanted to be sure that he wouldn’t freak out in school and give his school teachers a hard time if he didn’t find his trusted milk bottle in his knapsack at recess time. I started by making sure he ate a lot of solids every meal time, especially during dinner. Then, I told him a story while he was feeding on his bottle. I told him the story about the bottles that had to go home because they already grew up.

Every feeding time, Jacobo would ask me why his bottles had to leave him soon. So I would explain by saying that, first, he and his bottles are already grown-ups. I reminded him that he’s about to start school, where children are taught to drink their beverages with a glass or cup, like he does with his water. Most kids can’t connect why milk is taken from a glass because they’ve gotten comfortable drinking it from a bottle.

I also told him that it was time for the milk bottles to go home. They had done their job and watched him grow. Now that he is a big boy, it’s time that they say “good-bye.” As expected, Jacobo had a violent reaction to this… “But why, Mama?”… “I don’t want them to leave, Mama”…

I assured him that there will still be enough time for him to say good-bye; that it wasn’t going to happen yet today. But to help him start the process of understanding, I told Jacobo that it would help him better if we started drinking milk from his bottle the same way he does with his cup. So, I detached the nipple and the casing and showed him that he could still drink from the bottle, just not anymore with the nipple. When he panicked over that, I gently explained that because he now has his teeth, the nipple wouldn’t be good for their growth. I asked him if he would like to look like Bugs Bunny with the outrageous over-bite. He listened again.

I gave that exercise for two or three weeks. He drank from his milk bottle without the nipple. There would be occasions when he would remember the nipple and request them back but I said that they had gone home ahead of the bottles already – never to return. (Make sure you’ve hidden away all the nipples and extra bottles completely, or you risk going back to square one!) While this upset him, I just kept encouraging and reminding him about the milk bottle’s time to say goodbye. He would ask the same questions again, wanting it to be explained over to him. So, it’s important to load up on a lot of patience. Anyhow, it is a good means to an end.

Learning the lesson

After four weeks, I took Jacobo to the cabinet where we kept his milk bottles and showed him that there were only two bottles left. The others went home ahead. So I asked him if he was ready to bid them both goodbye too? The first couple of days I tried this, he would flatly refuse. I didn’t force him. I just tenderly reminded him that the time is near. Until one day when we asked him again, he was feeling more confident that he could do it because he had practiced drinking from a cup. So, he agreed. I took the two remaining milk bottles and told him to bid them goodbye while I tucked them into a paper bag and pretended that they were leaving the house. (Of course when he was not aware, I hid them along with the others in the storage room.)

Night Dates

The first few nights were tough. My son started asking about his milk bottles at feeding time. But I reminded him that he said goodbye to them already. They were gone for good. While it made him sad, he slowly learned that it was a reality and that drinking from his “new friend” the cup wasn’t so bad. There were times he would rant and threaten us by saying he didn’t want his milk anymore unless he drank it from his old bottles. I told him that was okay with me since he needn’t have milk if he really doesn’t want it. That got him into thinking. He wasn’t prepared to give up taking milk so he took it in any container it was available. And before long, he was fine without his bottles in pre-school.

When Jacobo would wake up in the middle of the night asking for milk, we would try to talk him out of it. Sometimes when kids are too tired, gentle suggestions can lull them back to sleep and forget that they even asked. When he was persistent, we gave it to him but on the condition that he can only drink half of his usual intake. This would go on for a couple of weeks, until one night he completely gave up on the midnight calls. Pre-conditioning the mind is helpful in this area. Speak to your child before he goes to bed and tell him that you’ll discourage him when he wakes up asking for milk again. Condition him to believing that one glass of milk before bedtime is enough and that it’s better to sleep through the night. Assure him that he can have that glass when he wakes up in the morning. That way, he will have something to look forward to, like a reward.

Just bear in mind, Cecilia, that setting parameters are vital with children. Always strive for a balance between what’s necessary and what can be negotiated; and let your son in on the goals you want him to reach. This way, he will feel confident enough to want to try participating in achieving something he believes is for his own good.