MANILA, Philippines — QUESTION: Dear Teacher Genevieve: Good day! I’m Ave de Guzman. I read an article from the Manila Bulletin about the benefits of a special child with a PWD card. Actually, my child has the card already. She is diagnosed with a  mild form of retardation. She is 25 yrs old but her mental age is only half her actual age. I’m writing to you to inquire if you know a special school for her. We are only an average family living in a busy street in Manila. I am already a  widow for eight years now. I can only afford to send my kids to a public school, but only until grade school. My daughter was transferred last year in a private special education school but unfortunately I ran out of budget because the school has increased its tuition. I thought I'd rather send her to a vocational school because academically she's not fit to cope. I hope this message would merit my daughter's (and mine as well) problem. Thank you so much and God bless — Mrs. Avelina de Guzman

It is heartwarming to receive a question from a mother as devoted as you, still finding ways to bring out the best in her daughter, as I safely presume you have been doing for the past 25 years. Not all parents remain as hopeful, and I pray that as I answer your question, I fan the flame of hope even more for you and all other parents in the same situation as you.

Life after school

For most parents of children with special needs, it is often difficult to progress through the different stages of parenting and to transition appropriately from being a parent of a child to being a parent of an adult. Because of the child’s delay in development, as in the case of Mariz, most parents have difficulty crossing-over to seeing their children as grown-ups since their children still constantly need them.

Parents of adults with special needs often struggle with the question – “Have I done all I can for my child”? This is one of the reasons why some parents of children with special needs continue to send their children to school even in
their 30’s and even 40’s, as long as their family’s resources would allow.

However, there is only so much that schools can teach within the four walls of the classroom. Much of what adults with disabilities need to equip them for life they would learn within the comforts of their own homes or in the communities they belong to. Sending them to pre-vocational schools for extended or limitless periods of time would not guarantee learning, if knowledge and skills learned are not translated to practical, life skills that they would need to survive day-to-day.

According to the Department of Education, a memo has been passed limiting the age of admission of special education students in the SpEd Centers in public schools to 21 years old, the reason being that resources should be allocated also to other children also needing SpEd services. Considering the limited resources of the DepEd, SPEd centers should fulfill their role of optimizing the potential of all children, and not merely fulfill a custodial role since many parents choose to send their adults with special needs to school for “lack of better things to do at home.”

Exploring possibilities

Mommy Ave, you know your child best. You know what she is capable of, and what she would most likely have difficulty doing. I suggest you discuss your options for your daughter considering her capabilities and her possible contributions to your life as a family. Make sure you involve your other children since the responsibility of planning for your daughter’s future lies not only on your shoulders, but should be the concern of her siblings as well.

As you said, the cost of private SpEd centers can be prohibitive, especially for a widow like you. An option you could explore is creatively reinventing your daughter’s role in your family and creating greater significance by assigning her “special roles” at home that she would be tasked to do daily. Maybe it’s time to shift roles a bit, from you being the giver, to being the receiver.

For the past 25 years, you have gotten used to serving your daughter and looking after her needs like any responsible parent.

However, now you should focus on empowering her and being on the receiving end of her efforts. Allow her to serve you by doing simple, everyday, necessary tasks such as setting the table, washing the dishes, cooking rice, sorting clothes for washing, or any other household chore that I am sure, she was taught to do when she was still in school. Translate this learning to your home since essentially, transferring learning to meaningful contexts is the end-goal of all those years of learning these skills in school. No task is too small, if done with great love and in the spirit of service for loved-ones.

Explore her other interests as well and continue to hone her special talents. If she likes computers and can read, teach her simple clerical tasks such as typing your grocery list, doing a home inventory of your pantry, or labeling food keepers or jars. If she is creative, teach her how to make charm bracelets (her siblings might be able to help her with this) or to bake and cook for the family. These can also be potential sources of income for her. I know of an adult with special needs whose “special role” in their clan is to text everyone of announcements such as birthdays, reunions and family updates, for which everyone is grateful! What do you think your daughter can do for you and her siblings?

In spite of the constraints, I am certain there are unexplored possibilities within your own family and community. The answer may not be putting her in school again, but making your home a school in itself where your daughter could continue to learn to become the person she was meant to be — with potential to become a contributing member of our society in her own, unique way.

I end with some words of wisdom from another mother of a child with special needs, Laura Shapiro Kramer, author of Uncommon Voyage: Parenting a Special Needs Child.

“One thing I know for sure: there is no one answer. It is up to us to explore … The world of special needs is not a world where you are saved by some ready-made cohesive plan. The best you can do is to explore all the possibilities and take it from there.”

(The author is the executive director of ALRES-PHILS., a faculty of the SPED Department of Miriam College, and an Inclusive Education Specialist. A pediatric physiotherapist and special educator, she is presently pursuing her doctorate studies majoring in Special Education at U.P. Diliman. She is a staunch advocate for children with special needs. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask our SPED specialists. Just send your queries to MByouthsection@gmail.com)