A dead-end romance

DEAR CHICO, DELAMAR, AND GINO... I am 36 years old, with two kids and separated for three years now.

My younger brother's best friend, JB, has always been close to the family. We always introduce JB as our illegitimate brother as he is always present and part of every family occasion.

I have to admit that I’ve always had a crush on him, and I learned from my sister-in-law that he has a crush on me too since high school. He is already married, but it’s been on the rocks because he got caught having an affair with another woman. 

We’ve already kissed twice. But both times, we were drinking. There are times that we would look at each other’s eyes as if we have a deeper understanding of something. He told me that he loves me, and I may be gullible to believe him. I like him but I also know that this is wrong.

He has been around for so long. I know I love him as the JB who has been part of our lives. I want us to spend times like we used to. I don’t want to avoid him. But I can’t deny that I look forward to our stolen moments. -Jennifer

CHICO SAYS... The only thing that’s technically wrong in this equation is that he’s still married. Never mind that his marriage is on the rocks, he’s still married. To say that you can pounce when their marriage is in trouble, is like saying you can bury alive a person who is gravely ill. The whole thing about him being your “little brother” is just a label you attached to him, it means nothing, really. If you guys really love each other, one being the younger brother's best friend is a minor bump to hurdle over. But that isn’t really the problem. 

He’s married, and unless you consider marriage as no more than a trinket you wear on your finger to satisfy society’s moral prissiness, I suggest you back off. As far as I’m concerned, marriage is still a legally binding contract. True, they’re probably on the verge of foundering in these rough seas called the “for worse” parts of the marriage, but you have to give them a fighting chance. Besides, if you decide to take your chances with a guy who’s been caught cheating on his wife, and who’s been canoodling with you as well, what makes you think he will magically turn faithful once he’s “committed” to you? If you get together, and what if, during your rough patches, he decides to hook up with other women, would you still feel as progressive with your relationship as you do now? It’s your eggs in his basket, not ours.

DELAMAR SAYS...The history of this guy doesn’t look good. He’s been caught cheating on his wife. Obviously, he doesn’t have a strong sense of faithfulness and commitment to one woman. Right now, you two are not ‘official’ and things are on the down low so he can have his fun with you with no commitment. That may be exciting but to be honest, I don’t think this will be enough for you in the long run. It’s cute. It’s exciting. It’s illicit. But I don’t think this will have any kind of happy ending, if you will. He’s a player. He’s a cheater. And you might be looking forward to the fun right now but I don’t think you’ll be very happy when you allow yourself to fall in love and you realize that he cannot be faithful to you. 

My opinion? It feels good to have this ‘thing’ with him right now. But it’s the kind of thing that’ll bite you in the end. I’m not sure if you’ll listen to my advice because you’re having way too much illicit fun but here it is anyway: Drop this right now before you get hurt. This is a dead-end romance. Don’t waste your time or your feelings on someone who’ll most likely just play with them. 

GINO SAYS... I know it must feel nice since stolen moments equate to adventure and it gives you a certain high, knowing that you could get caught at any moment. It’s all fun and games while that’s the case but sooner or later you will get caught. Then the fun disappears and then reality kicks in. You’ve just aided in destroying a marriage, even if it was already on the rocks and you’ll forever be branded as an adulterer. Even if you do end up together, chances are he’ll cheat on you too, then you'll know what it feels like to be his wife.

Needless to say, I think you understand what I’m trying to get at. Having an affair with someone is already bad enough as it is; it’s even worse when the person is legally married. 

(Chico, Delle and Gino welcome your letters. Write to: MByouthsection@gmail.com [1] or the Students and Campuses Facebook Fanpage. Listen to the Kikay Barkada Monday to Saturday, 6 a.m. to 10 a.m. over Monster Radio RX 93.1)